阅读这篇见证的中文原文
First Three Years after the Returning of a “Sea Turtle”
By Li He Bo Jing
Failure to Acclimate
At the end of 2017, as a full-time staff of an evangelical organization, I returned quite suddenly to China from North America as a “sea turtle” (Chinese pun for “returnee from abroad”). Just before I was about to roll up my sleeves and get to work, I fell ill. (The author wrote an article about her story titled “The Sign of Grace – Written before the Thanksgiving of 2018” which is published on Behold magazine website: (http://behold.oc.org/?p=37511). On top of that, because I had only attended the overseas Chinese churches since the day when I became a Christian till I began to serve, I knew nothing about the church in China. So, when I returned to China, I faced a lot of discomfort.
2018 was my first year of returning to China and I faced multiple problems such as loneliness at work, physical illness, and difficulty in finding a church. It all drove me into a spiritual slump. I was struggling and confused, and couldn’t help asking in my heart: “Lord, is this the field you want me to serve? How could it be like this?…”
Every night, I would cry when I looked at the photos of my overseas church life. How I missed my pastor and his wife! How I missed the brothers and sisters of our fellowship! I could not wait to go back to the United States.
The Vision Ahead
I knew that if I continued in this way, it was definitely not going to work. The Holy Spirit constantly reminded me that I need to commit to a church and find a prayer partner.
There are more than 600 churches in N City where I live, but how do I choose the church that suits me and commit myself to it? I knelt before God and prayed that he would lead me to a church that values the truth, where the pastor has a strong testimony, and the spiritual sisters care for and support one another.
After visiting many churches and searching for more than half a year, with much prayer, God provided the three things I asked for in a church.
I remember that when I finally decided to commit myself to T Church, Pastor S wanted to talk to me. He listened as I shared all the challenges I faced after returning, and the problems I observed in the churches I visited. I just wanted to complain. God challenged me through Pastor S: “You have received your calling as a servant in the Kingdom of God, with the burden to serve in China. Indeed, there are many difficulties and problems, so isn’t it a perfect place for you to begin to serve?”
My heart was suddenly opened! God is so great and wonderful. He led me to become a Christian and equipped me overseas. Then He gave me the desire to serve in China. I had experienced the differences between churches inside and outside of China, and had much discomfort, but now God gave me a beautiful vision of the future! I can use my experience to do something for the churches in China.
Landing Successfully
It is said that a life with a vision is a completely different life. After I committed myself to T Church, I gradually gained a sense of spiritual belonging.
At the same time, God prepared a younger sister from the church to care for me. I also met a like-minded prayer partner and felt that I was not lonely anymore! God fed my spirit through messages from the pulpit, helping me to continue being rooted in the truth.
After one year, I, a weak “sea turtle,” was finally landed and settled. Looking back now, everything that transpired was by the grace of God! Facing difficulties, I learned that if I admit my weakness and limitations, God will rescue me. The Bible says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
Lost and Drifting
In April 2019, some pastors from North America came to visit returnees. As we gathered, I met many returnee Christians just like me. Unfortunately, most of them were not going to church gatherings anymore.
As for the reasons, many people attributed it to the differences between the churches inside and outside of China. Some had only lived in north America for a short period of time, so their faith foundations were shaky. It is easy for them to lose motivation to continue to go to church. A pastor soberly told us that the fall-away rate among returnees is as high as 80%! I was shocked by this number.
Chinese churches in North America have invested a lot of manpower and resources into ministering to visiting students and scholars for decades, yet after returning to China many are lost just like that!
I remembered many pastors and co-workers who labor to share the gospel with overseas students and scholars through campus ministries of different churches in the United States. If they knew what was happening, how sad they would be!
Please send me!
When we said goodbye to the pastors at the end of their visit, one challenged me, saying, “Jing, you are taking root in the church in N City. Perhaps you can form a returnee fellowship group to help and support other returnees in need.”
I was stunned. Looking into the eyes of the pastor, my thoughts were racing: “Lord, I am here to serve you. Is this your calling? How can I start a fellowship? I am alone–I don’t have any co-workers! I have just committed myself to the church. I still have a full-time ministry with an evangelical organization, and I am very busy. Where can I find enough time and energy?”
As the precious time of these visiting pastors was ending, many of the returnees were grieved to see them leave. As we said farewell, tears welled in their eyes and, full of emotion, they embraced the pastors and were reluctant to let go. Looking at this scene, I empathized with them for their drifting and loneliness in the spiritual wilderness. My heart was deeply touched. I could not stop thinking of Isaiah 6:8: “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’”
You cannot escape the urging of the Holy Spirit. When I shared my burden with my prayer partner, she strongly encouraged me. She committed to helping me build the fellowship together, using her time after work! At that moment, I was speechless. It turned out that God not only loved me through this sister, but also prepared a co-worker for me.
I continued to pray to God: “Now I have a co-worker from the local church. But Lord, this is going to be a returnee fellowship serving returnees. Can you provide a returnee co-worker? Then we will have a good team! If you will provide someone, I am willing to start the fellowship immediately.”
Soon after praying, God led me to a returnee sister who just returned to China and was working in N City. She also was equipped in North America previously, and she also had experience in serving. I remember when we met for the first time, I shared with her my burden for returnees and that I was moved to start a returnee fellowship. She told me that this was also her vision before returning to China. She was willing to participate in the ministry of the returnee fellowship immediately. How marvelous is the hand of the Lord!
So the N City Returnee Fellowship officially kicked off its operation with three co-workers–my prayer partner, a returnee sister and me.
Finding Our Way
In June 2019, the N City Returnees Fellowship had its first meeting. Although there were only 3 co-workers and only two or three returnees who came to the meeting, we as co-workers were determined that we would serve well, even if there was only one attendee in the meeting. From inviting people, preparing hymns, leading worship, Bible studies, to our food preparations for after the meeting, we committed to serving with our whole hearts in every little detail.
There is no precedent for such a special returnee fellowship ministry. We can only pray desperately and find our way forward, trusting God. Fortunately, I am not alone. We sisters lovingly support one another and cherish every service opportunity which greatly inspires me.
Before each meeting we prayed and divided the work carefully. After each meeting we debriefed our team-work process, and frankly discussed our thoughts and suggestions. Although we have many differences in our spiritual growth, personalities, and gifts, with God’s guidance, we are united in Christ to be one strong spiritual community! In just half a year, the fellowship expanded from two or three members to more than twenty. The average number of attendees stabilized at over 10 people.
At the end of 2019, to give thanks for the beginning and the development of this half-year-old fellowship, for the co-workers who worked so hard, and to encourage the group members to commit more to the fellowship, we organized a “Christmas Thanksgiving” event and invited the pastor and some members of the church to celebrate together. At this gathering, we use the praise song“A Grain of Wheat”as a call to everyone:
If a grain of wheat does not fall to the ground and die
No matter how much time has passed, it is still itself
If it is willing to be buried and used
It will bear many seeds and experience the miracle of life
Lord, I am willing, Lord, I am willing
Let myself fall into the ground like a seed
whoever loses their life will find it
Lord, I am willing, Lord, I am willing
Lay down the right I think I deserve
Let your will be done on me
How noble is the calling, how small is the seed?
Keep my eyes on the goal and run straight,
I will finally see the glory of God.
At this event, we also shared and clarified the mission of our fellowship: to help returnee brothers and sisters from N City to build a spiritual community for faith learning, Koinonia, and growth together. And finally, to help them to integrate into the local church.
Challenge and Attack
With the outbreak of a pandemic in 2020, the fellowship has developed steadily despite the turmoil of the external environment. Our meetings have increased from once a month to twice a month. Because more services need more equipping, we have carried out various types of discipleship training and our co-worker team has increased to 4 people.
The fellowship continues to grow, as those in North America who know of anyone returning to N City introduces that Christian to us for follow up. On one hand, we are grateful for the trust. On the other hand, we are also a little fearful.
Our co-workers have weaknesses, the old self/sinful nature, as well as gaps in life all of which are fully revealed by the “mirror” of serving. There was a careless single co-worker who fell in love with a non-believer. She did not share any information with any prayer partners until she was on the verge of sin. Another coworker who used to commit to serving, became so busy that she cannot follow through on her commitments and in the end could not even attend Sunday services.
There were also co-workers who encountered various crises, such as the suicide of a relative due to depression. I was also struggling forward myself. My illness relapsed so that I was on hormone treatment for 9 months which had various challenging side effects, especially on my heart.
Broken
Facing so many situations in my life and among the co-workers, how do I handle things as the leader of the fellowship? How do I accept people? For example, how do I love a sister who has lied repeatedly?
When I shared my struggles and the difficulties with a pastor, I was reminded: On one hand, we must see the spiritual warfare behind the things that seek to destroy unity; On the other hand, we need to be broken ourselves first through serving!
“Be broken first”, this was like divine enlightenment which deeply pierced my heart! I remembered that Matthew 16:24-25: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.’”
Was I sacrificing myself for my co-workers? They have their own weaknesses, but can I accept them in Christ? When dealing with their mistakes, am I willing to take up my cross and repent with them?
God also used the Sunday message to remind me again: to reject sin, but accept sinners, because we are all sinners. With this change of mind, I was willing to more gently handle the weaknesses and failings of my co-workers. They also changed because of my transformation. They responded: in this service, we have all witnessed each other’s growth and experienced the love of Jesus Christ!
This last December, we held a debriefing meeting for our co-workers. All four of them once again affirmed the vision of our ministry and set their minds to continue serving together: calling disciples to build and serve the kingdom of God together.
Collective Ministries
On Thanksgiving Day of 2020, our fellowship planned to do an outreach event to share the origin of Thanksgiving and to practice sharing the gospel with strangers. We shared our plan with Pastor S in advance. It happened that our church wanted to expand its evangelism ministry, and was hoping to work together with the Returnees Fellowship. So Pastor S promoted the event in the church and encourage brothers and sisters to participate.
The co-workers meticulously prepared for all aspects of the event. In addition, the brothers and sisters from the church actively responded from prayer meetings to Sunday teachings. In one of the evening services before the event, Pastor S shared an evangelistic message to prepare hearts for this outreach event. After the event, the church arranged another evening service for the returnees and the church members who participated in the event to share how they felt and what they learned. Everyone was encouraged.
To be honest, our returnee fellowship never expected such attention, support, and active participation from the church. Through this first ministry cooperation, I realized that if the returnee fellowship is to grow strong, it must have the support of the local church. Furthermore, the returnee fellowship can help promote certain ministries of the church. In short, we are simply one team serving together to expand the Kingdom of God.
Thanks to the strong support of our church and the active involvement of Pastor S, in the Thanksgiving Sharing Night, we further confirmed the direction of our ministry: That the returnee ministry becomes a blessing for the Chinese Church; that the returnee Christians become mighty warriors in the local churches!
Respond to God’s love
At the beginning of 2016, I participated in the first “Gideon 300 Youth Leadership Camp” organized by Overseas Campus Ministries, an organization in North America. It was at this conference, that I received the calling to full-time ministry. At that time, the Holy Spirit urged me to go forward to respond to Him and resolve to follow Jesus. God strengthened me through Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Indeed, since returning to China three years ago, and serving him in this ministry, I see the Lord my God has always been with me! He led me through peaks and valleys, taught me to be humble, and made me willing to be broken to use me as a blessing to others. Through the last three years of service, my life has continually been renewed: Actually, I am not giving but receiving – harvesting God’s abundant love and intimate relationship with the Lord.
I still remember in 2017, at another conference in North America, I heard the song “China for Missions”. My heart was stirred and I couldn’t stop my tears. Because of God’s love, I have heard the gospel, but in the land where I was born and raised, countless people have never heard of the good news. Therefore, I am willing to respond to God’s leading and return to China to serve.
When I first returned to China three years ago, I was really confused and unsure about the way forward. Three years later, through the development of the Returnee Fellowship and my commitment to the local church, the direction of my ministry has gradually become clear. I can use my experience to serve the needs of the overseas returnees and the churches in China.
Everything that I have is the Lord’s.
What can I do to respond to the Lord’s love?
The only way is to offer myself.
I look forward to the day when I will be with Him in the feast of the Lamb.
At that time, I will be filled with tears: for
I have been displaced several times, and You have kept count of them.
Put my tears in your scroll.
Are they not written in Your book?
(Psalms 56:8)