阅读这篇见证的中文原文
Walking Together
Yan Zhen
In the summer of 1999, after being rejected twice, I was miraculously granted a visa to go the U.S. and fulfill my dream to study English linguistics. I began to attend the international student fellowship at my university in 2000. Thanks to God for his grace – in July 2001, I was baptized.
In 2006, I spent nearly half the year in China, visiting colleges and universities. I also got in touch with some students. I was very moved. It is not an easy task to set up English literature writing courses in Chinese colleges and universities. When I returned to the United States, with the encouragement of my Christian linguistics professor, I prepared to apply for a teaching position in China. Thank God, both the chairman of the American Writers Association and my mentor were willing to write recommendations. A number of Chinese colleges and universities responded positively, and I was able to choose which university to join.
In September 2006, I started teaching English literature and Writing Courses in a Chinese college.
As of this year (this article was written in 2012), I have been back in China for six years. Looking back, this is really the toughest and most challenging phase so far. I have experienced trials in my life related to faith, work, and romantic relationships. By God’s grace I am still healthy and strong enough to breathe, walk, and think with ease. In his goodness, God guided me through fire and water so that I could reach a place of abundance.
Before I returned to China, church brothers and sisters told me that there was not much religious freedom in China, but I thought I needed to see for myself. Thank God, after returning to China, God has been protecting me and helping me to grow in faith. I found a very good church which has both local believers and returnee Christians. We have walked hand in hand these last years and learned that no matter what our circumstances, God is a faithful God, and we don’t have to worry.
Integration into the local church
In my opinion, the primary task for returnees is to integrate into the local church. Like a car merging from a side road into traffic on a main road, I must take the initiative and make the effort to transition smoothly. Because I am single and work in a college, I can invest more of my time and energy. I am often moved by the enthusiasm and genuine faith of the local believers, and I feel very connected to them in spirit.
In my first year back China, I struggled at work and in relationships. A sister invited me to a church prayer meeting. She said that prayer can elevate our hearts and free us from the trap of the “self”. I began to attend prayer meeting every Wednesday. Gradually, my spirit gained strength, and I began to have a more meaningful connection with the local brothers and sisters.
However, during this integration process, I also faced some challenges. For example, some brothers and sisters in China, for fear that others will know that they are believers, choose to be anonymous Christians in their workplaces as some people are not kind in their body language and the ways of relating.
At first, I didn’t understand, and I felt hurt. Gradually I was able to understand and accept their decision, and I learned to voluntarily love everyone. If by God’s grace, I can integrate my life and faith, then may God use me to encourage my brothers and sisters instead of judging them.
In 2008, I began to sing in the church choir, using the voice God gave me to praise him. Singing with the brothers and sisters knit our lives together and we were so joyful. In 2009, together with some local brothers and sisters, I set up an English group in the church. We started studying Genesis. I hope that through the study of English as an international language, we can see God’s work in the world more clearly. We can become ambassadors of God’s love. We also held some evening parties to share the love of God in an artistic way with relatives and friends. There was so much joy.
The Returnee Fellowship
Before serving in the choir and the English group, I participated in a Returnee Fellowship. I was one of the founding members of the group. It was great to meet with returnee Christians with similar backgrounds to me. However, we all had just returned to China at the time, and we were all seeking God’s guidance. I personally felt that I needed to grow more in a local church. I also felt that the singing voice God gave me was the first thing I should dedicate to God. So, for the next two or three years I did not get very involved in the Returnee Fellowship, mainly because I was serving in the choir. But I also did not really want to link my Christian faith with my overseas experience. People might think Christianity was just a trendy thing picked up by successful overseas returnees. Chinese tend to esteem foreign things and people. Somehow to stress that I was a returnee made me feel that I misrepresent the essence of my faith.
Gradually, I came to realize that becoming a Christian overseas and returning to my motherland were special aspects of my story which God had orchestrated. I was uprooted twice, and my life was shaken to the core. Ignoring these facts, I thought was a sign of my being humble, but I realized by doing so I might miss God’s will for me. Therefore, in 2010, I once again returned to the Returnee Fellowship. Not only did I feel loved by the brothers and sisters in the fellowship, but also, I experienced God’s deeper molding and shaping work in my life.
What is God’s will? I am still in the process of seeking. God has given us knowledge, education, wealth, and gifts. How can these work together for God’s glory? We all struggle with pride, and we lack compassion for the locals. We really need to ask God to help us so that we can become vessels for His use.
The value of professionalism?
On one hand, I can clearly see God’s will being played out in my work. Just like my American teacher taught me – my students and I can learn to express ourselves, and become good friends through writing. On the other hand, because of the special nature of the English writing major, and the strict requirements for teacher assessment in Chinese colleges and universities, I am often facing a dilemma: How can I uphold the value of this major? Is it through writing essays that nobody reads (I am not able to write such things anyway), or is by writing a creative and influential textbook? Or by doing something that only professionals in our field can do, such as writing a drama or film script. Yet all of these have nothing to do with the assessment process recognized by the university. All this was heavy on my heart. At one point I thought I needed to leave the college, because the assessment system was really depressing me.
Thank God, the head of my school was very open-minded and encouraged me to write books that I thought were meaningful. By 2011, my manuscript was completed, and I signed an agreement with a publisher. The publishing house proposed major changes to my work, and I do not know if or when my book will be published. I do know that I have experienced a breakthrough, and I trust God’s graceful hand will continue to lead me.
From “leftover woman” to “victorious saint”
As a single female Christian, I am deeply grateful to God. He has taught me to rely on him for peace and love regardless of where I am. Neither the goodness nor anger of man can accomplish God’s righteousness. We are all finite and weak, and by our sins we hurt one another. God’s grace alone causes us to thirst for Him when we are lonely and hurting, knowing that He loves us most, and is our Savior and Lord. Now I truly know that all my joy comes from God. One day if I get married, it will be by God’s grace.
As the first-generation of Christians in our families, our lives (single or married) stand as the most direct testimonies to our families and our countrymen, testifying to the amazing work God has done in us. God turned me from a “leftover woman” to a “victorious saint”. He has helped me overcome the onset of grey hair, wrinkles, age, and the snares of traditional values so that I can stand as a woman who lives in His love.
As I learn to look fully to God for my emotional well-being, I experience His goodness more deeply in my work.
In 2011, my original play was finally on stage in a theater with an audience of nearly a thousand people. My singing and performance were an inspiration to many old and new friends. It was deeply gratifying. Thank God, my life relates to my students, my countrymen, international friends, and every friend who seeks the truth. God made my life story an authentic and inspirational drama performed on a Chinese stage because He loves me, and he loves China. He is the best and the wisest screenwriter and director!
I am confident that the hand of God will continue to lead the way ahead of me.